Why I am Passionate about Ministry to Men

The Following blog rated as one of the most read last year. the events since that time only serve to reinforce what I wrote nearly one year ago. I want to also encourage men to invest in themselves by attending trainings for men. These include, but are not limited to, denominational events, Iron Sharpens Iron Conferences, Man in the Mirror Annual Summit, Dangerous Man Conferences, Men of Valor Conferences and so many others.

FROM MARCH 2010
Last weekend I had the privilege of speaking to nearly 700 men as a part of the speaking team at the Iron Sharpens Iron conference in Rockford, IL. Roy Abbott and his team at Focal Point Ministries did a tremendous job of sponsoring/hosting this event.

For me to speak at this event, I spent a few hours on the road to and from the airport in Denver. I spent time in the airport waiting for flights or to get my bags. I spent nearly a total of three hours on a bus between Chicago and Rockford. It was not just me, by the way--many of the speakers/workshop leaders did the same thing. Here is the point. Lots of hours invested in this by many many men so that we could come together and build ourselves as well as other men. My close friends and brothers, Ray Morgan, Ken Larson, Dan Erickson and Sam Mehaffie had similar travel schedules to be there and invest in men.

So Why???

Here is a glimpse of my last four days from just one small perspective.

1. FRIDAY AFTERNOON: The young lady at the Information Desk was divorced because her husband had left her for another woman. As a note, he was divorcing that person now and had called her to see if this young lady would take him back. The young lady said that men these days are just weak and looking for a "Sugar Mama" to take care of them.

2. FRIDAY NIGHT: Our server was a great young lady. She was raising two children, ages 2 and 5 on her own. We prayed with her.

3. SUNDAY AFTERNOON: Our server when asked if we could pray for her, asked for prayer for her "ex" boyfriend. She said that he just needed help being a man and finding himself.

4. MONDAY LUNCH: My wife and I had lunch together and asked our server if we could pray for her. Without any hesitation she said yes and when asked if there is anything specific, she asked if we would pray for her family. She shared that her father had left her family about four years ago and they were still struggling, especially her two little brothers.

Here is my take on this-- we need stronger men. Ladies of all ages deserve much better than they are getting. Is this an indictment on all men in the land. Absolutely not!! I am meeting with guys across the land who are working hard to be the men God created us to be.

I am suggesting that there is still a great deal of work to be done.

So why do I do what I do and why does my bride of nearly 32 years support me beyond anything that would seem reasonable to others?? We have three of the most amazing Granddaughters (and who knows how many more in the future). They are being raised to be strong Godly ladies. I am working to see if we cannot help to raise some strong Godly men who will raise their sons or grandsons to be the kind of Godly men my granddaughters deserve.

Our families, churches, communities and our nation all need and deserve strong Godly Men.

That is why I am passionate about ministry to men and why I am heading to Springfield, IL this weekend.

Integrity in Prayer

A few days ago, I posted the following on my Facebook/Twitter update:

“ ‘Rep. Gabrielle Giffords' condition has been upgraded from critical to serious, the University of Arizona Medical Center said Sunday.’ Does not matter your politics, people who actually pray, should be praying for Rep Giffords.”

Someone asked what I meant by the statement regarding “people who actually pray”? The answer for me was very simple. I do not think nearly as many people who say they will pray or who say that they are responding to prayer needs, actually pray.

Frankly, I feel that there is far too much on the social networks that begin with “Dear God” that is not intended to be a prayer or even honoring to God. Instead, it is closer to just slapping God in the face and in many cases might be much closer to blasphemy than prayer. When the post begins with “Dear God,” consider if the next words could be, “Hallowed be Thy Name.”

I think that for many people it has become one of those “in vogue” things to post updates that indicate that they are praying when in fact they are not.

It is my belief that this is having the effect of creating cultural Christians who talk about prayer but do not actually stop and pray. As a result are teaching our children and younger Christians that we can just talk about prayer but not really engage in the process.

I am wondering how many children hear their parents tell someone that they will pray but never see or hear their parents pray? My guess is far too many!!

One of the most powerful acts of faith that we have is prayer.

It can be very powerful for our children and grandchildren to be a part of the prayer we promised. It teaches them to pray and it also shows integrity in our word.

Here is my bottom line for parents: when you tell someone in the presence of your children that you will pray, include your children when you pray.

A Walk in History

For me, personally, there is no historical educational experience that is more powerful than walking the exact ground and seeing with my own eyes where history was made.

On January 20, 1997, as our nation was pausing to celebrate and remember the birth of Martin Luther King, Jr., I along with my sons, Chad and Courtney, and Paul Osborne and his son, Josh, had the privilege of walking a part of our nation’s history at the National Civil Rights Museum at the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, TN.

It was a day that two fathers and three sons would not soon forget.

Both Paul and I had told our sons of the events of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. on April 4, 1968 and what we knew of the civil rights movement.

After a very brief time at the museum, it was all too clear—I really knew very little of the actual civil rights movement and my sons knew less.

Together we listened to speeches of Dr. King and sat on a trolley car similar to the one on which Rosa Parks sat on December 1, 1955 in Montgomery, AL.

For all of us, there was a very emotional moment as we took our turns looking into the motel room where Dr. King was staying until that fateful moment when he stepped out onto the balcony seconds before his life was tragically taken from our nation and the world.

The point of this is not to brag about our trip on that incredible day. It is to suggest that as parents and grandparents, we must preserve the history of our nation. To do so, we should look for teachable moments when we are in a position take advantage of opportunities which afford us the opportunity to take a walk in history with our children and grandchildren.

Everyone Has Something to Offer Repost from Jan 2010

This is a repost of my blog from January, 2010. It was rated one of the favorites of last year. On my wall in front of my work area, I have an old picture of me and my friend/mentor, Dr. Gary Sallquist. Each time I look at the picture of us, I am reminded of a great leadership principle that Gary champions.


Nearly 40 years ago my good friend and mentor, Dr Gary Sallquist, gave me a book. It was one of several he gave me and encouraged me to read. Gary may not remember giving me the book or that I still have it held together by a rubber band.

The book titled, Excellence, by John W. Gardner was first published in 1961; and my paperback version was printed in 1971. By the way, the price on the book is $.95.

One of my favorite stories of understanding leadership and identifying leaders comes from the tattered pages of this old book.

“There are many varieties of excellence. This is one of those absurdly obvious truths of which we must continually remind ourselves. The Duke of Wellington, in a famous incident, revealed an enviable understanding of it. The government was considering a dispatch of an expedition to Burma to take Rangoon. The Cabinet summoned Wellington and asked him who would be the ablest general to head such an undertaking. He said, “Send Lord Combermere.” The government official protested: “but we have always understood that your Grace thought Lord Combermere a fool.” The Duke’s response was vigorous and to the point. “So he is a fool, and a damned fool, but he can take Rangoon.”

All too often, many of us miss talent and gifting in people because we cannot get by their appearance or personality to see what they have to offer. This is certainly true when it comes to trying to achieve an intergenerational community, whether at church or the workplace.

It is not limited to older looking at younger. It also prevents younger from seeing the value of a more seasoned age-group. In addition, this disease can keep those in the middle from wanting to be around older or younger.

Many churches and organizations are failing to connect with incredible young men and women, as well as phenomenal older men and women who have so much to offer “The Body” because we think we have to like someone for them to be a contributor. The “talent drain” in most churches is one of the most destructive inhibitors to growth.

Gardner makes the following statement in his chapter, The Great Talent Hunt”:

“…all who care about excellence in a society must be vigilant concerning the waste of talent. Teachers, curators, deans, critics, art dealers, editors, foundation officers, publishers—in short, all who are in a position to encourage talent—should continuously ask themselves whether the society is providing sufficient opportunities for its varied resources of talent. If important kinds of talent are withering on the vine, they had better know why.”

We could easily exchange the “church” for the word “society” in Gardner’s statement.

Are our churches missing a wealth of talent in all age groups because we cannot get past personality and appearance to see that everyone has something to offer?

I believe that one of the characteristics of great intergenerational churches will be that everyone gets to serve and be served. We all bring something to the table that is valuable and needed.


Leaders need to know who can “take Rangoon” regardless of their personality or appearance.

Paraphrasing the previous words of John Gardner, “If important kinds of talent and leadership in all age groups are withering on the vine in our churches or just leaving because they do not feel they have a place to grow, leaders had better know why and be willing to change.”


Gardner, John W., Excellence, Perennial Library, Harper & Row, Publishers, 1971, p. 151, 52

InterGenerational Worship

As I study the issues of the generations, I feel that very often we have a tendency to put an “either/or” where God probably puts an “and.”

Over the years I have sadly listened to older Christians speak that there are just not enough of the old hymns sang at their church. I have listened to younger church crowds talk about how they need their own worship and do music their way

When did the music of any generation become just theirs and all about only them?

Several years ago, I had a conversation with a music teacher at a Christian college. She was saddened by the fact she could not get her students interested in the old beautiful hymns. I asked her if she had ever told the stories of the songs before she taught the music. She had not.

She also told me that she had a tough time with the songs of today – specifically, the singing of the same chorus many—too many—times for her liking. I asked her about several songs and if she knew the stories behind the writing of the song. She did not.

I challenged her to teach the stories and then teach the music.

This is also true at any church around the world. We can transcend the age separations by learning the stories behind each of the songs from the different generations.

Here is a two-part challenge—Teach the story of Horatio Spafford and why he wrote, It is Well With My Soul, in 1873. Then teach the story of Matt Redman and why he wrote, The Heart of Worship, in 1997.

There are so many stories to be told and songs to be sang. Yes, the music is important. I think that it is clearly accepted that God loves music and worship. I think that God loves us to worship together -- lifting up our voices as OneGeneration, One Family.

It is not either this style of music or that one. Perhaps for the family, it is this style of music and that one.

Accepting the Absurd as Normal

Have you ever looked at something and thought, "That is just not right?" Sometimes events happen so fast and come so unexpected that we do not know how to react. When the moment has passed, we know in our hearts that what just happened was wrong but we feel trapped and unable to reverse the situation.

I clearly remember the Sunday that this next event took place. Our sons were in middle school/junior high; and as we walked into the church, Chad told me that the youth group had all decided to sit together and he and Courtney would meet us after church.

It happened so fast and they were both on the other side of the church with all their friends. I thought about this all week and did not correct the situation. I was not sure why I felt that I had just missed something. The following week the same thing happened with no announcement.

During the next week, I realized why I felt the way I did and I knew that I had to make a decision. During the week Billie and I sat the guys down and simply explained to them that Sunday was family and church time. I did men’s ministry and Billie did women's ministry, but we did not sit as a group on Sunday. Sunday is family time.

The immediate response from the guys was that there were some of the friends whose parents did not come to church and they would be alone. I thought for a moment and told our sons to bring their friends with them and they could also sit with us as a family. I would be their “daddy.”

Several years after this incident, I was in the process of writing Men of Honor Women of Virtue and my editor read a simple statement I wrote regarding how we fall into traps and accept abnormal for normal. She immediately responded and asked me to expand on the subject. In her words she stated that trading the absurd for normal was a significant problem.

It is important to understand that doing things many times does not really make them normal or right.

We have done so many crazy things in the church to divide everyone by age, gender or special need. We seem to have forgotten at times the difference between ministries of the church and church itself.

How many times must we repeat absurd things before we start seeing them as normal?

This is important to remember in our churches and families—absurd actions are still absurd actions no matter how many times we do them.

Continually separating our churches by age, gender and special needs is absurd. Just because we have done this for years, does not make it normal.

Here is Someone You Need to Meet

Very often I have heard older seasoned men and women of the church make a statement that indicates they feel they have nothing to offer younger people. That is a great tragedy in so many ways.

I heard a radio commentator announce that a study had shown that in the average lifetime a person will come into contact with over 10,000 people. Not sure how true his numbers or findings were, but I am convinced that we all know a lot of people. The older you get, the longer the list should be.

One of the greatest gifts that anyone of any age can give to another person is to listen to them, understand their needs and then connect them with another person who might have the skills or capabilities to help.

I have felt on many occasions that one of the things that I feel I do best is connect good people and then get out of the way and let God be God. Frankly, I love connecting people and then hearing later that some very significant things are happening and my name is not mentioned in any way.

Regardless of our ages, we have contacts. One of the greatest gifts we can give to someone is an introduction to another person who might be able to help them much better than we are capable.

Think of three people you know and ask yourself if there is anyone you should introduce to them.

These are powerful words to remember and use often—“Please allow me introduce you. This is someone you need to meet.”

Not Your Grandmothers Church

Several years ago I walked into a friend’s office and he handed me a post card he had received the previous week and asked me what I thought. The card had been mailed to residents inviting them to a new church that was being planted in the area.

As I looked at the card, I actually felt anger and then sorrow. The front of the card had a picture of an elderly lady with her face contorted in a very unattractive manner. Above her picture were the words, “This is not your grandmother’s church.”

It took me a few minutes to process all that I was feeling at the time. I am sure the new church was well-intended. Yet, it did not excuse the leadership from sending out a very degrading postcard as an invitation to a new church that apparently would not be filled with a bunch of old people to drag it down.

I must confess that I did have this fleeting thought to find the leadership of this new church and grab them tightly as I asked them several questions. Questions like—“Who do you think built this city?” Who do think built the schools, businesses, libraries and hospitals?” Who do you think fought for freedom around the world in places you cannot even pronounce?” and “Who do you think wants to see this community filled with great churches just as much as you do?”

Sadly, in many churches it has become a church only for a part of God’s family.

I realized that in a sense the new church was right. We do not want a “Grandmothers or Grandfathers Church.” I do not want a church with teens or only college age.

Church should include grandmothers, teens, college-age, children and every age group in the community. Church was designed by God to function as a family. It seems that God intended for all of us to do life together.

So to the young leadership team that sent the cards to an entire neighborhood—I hope that your church is not just your grandmother’s church. But, I also hope you have some grandmothers and grandfathers in the church or you will miss a significant blessing from God.

Who Are the Real Greeters at Your Church?

I have the privilege of speaking in many different churches in any given year. It is a great blessing and time of learning for me. One of the health indicators of a church that I look at is the demographics of who speaks to me while I am at the church.

In my home church of Grace Community Church in Centennial, Colorado, I am spoiled. I do not go a Sunday without some absolutely amazing friends hunting me down for a hug or to say something encouraging to me. This group is far from what you would call my peers. It starts as young as Sierra and Jacob who are 6 and 4.We have been buddies for almost four years. The group includes Sam, Paul and Gracie who are in college, high school and grade school. On the other end of the spectrum are Dale and Velma and Neal and Joy. In between is virtually every age-group in the church and they are my church family. I think it is a vital sign of the health of Grace.

Regularly, I study the demographics of who speaks to me during my time in churches where I am given the opportunity to speak or teach. It is a great indicator of the overall health of nearly every church family.

Yesterday, Evergreen Christian Community provided a good look at the health of the church family. The age range of the men and women who spoke directly to me was incredible. Mr. Joel will turn 98 this week. He specifically stopped to introduce himself and thank me for being at the church. On the lower end of the age range a young guy who I think was about 6 walked up and just said “Hi.” It was clear that he knew this was his church and he felt it important to be sure that I knew it as well. The age range of both the men and women were between Mr. Joel and the young man.

There are several reasons why this is important.

First, it indicates what I call “home ownership.” The members of the church family feel that this is their home, and they want guests to feel comfortable in the same way a person would walk into their house.

Second, it indicates that they feel part of the team. It is not only the greeter’s responsibility to greet but also the church family and, as part of the church, they greet.

Third, the age range indicates an intergenerational environment that is extremely healthy. It speaks volumes about the authority and responsibility felt by each person for “their” church.

This is true of any church. When you have guests, stand back and observe who speaks to them in your church. Is it only the designated ones who are obligated to say something to them; or do you see men, women, young adults and children of every age engage them because they want them to feel comfortable in their house? Who are the true greeters at your church?

Who Will Be Better Because of You?

The first of a New Year is always a time for resolutions. Everyone makes them because we feel that a New Year is a great time to make needed changes. It is a natural starting point. Who feels the magic in launching life change on September 23rd or February 17th for example? There is just something about January 1 of any year that has a special feeling.

In the many years I have talked with men and women about their resolutions, I have noticed a pattern. Most of us make resolutions or set goals based on where we feel the need to improve, personally.

Leaders—I mean real leaders have a tendency to set goals based on where they want to help others grow.

Here is a method to evaluate your goals from a leadership perspective. Look at each one of your resolutions or goals and imagine them achieved. Now ask the question, “Who is going to be better because of you achieving your goals?”

I do not mean better as in having more things. Who is going to be closer to their personal goals? For clarity, I do not mean that if dads make more money, their kids can have more toys and their wife can get her hair done more often.

How do your goals help another person become a better person?

Take another look at your resolutions.

Who do you intend to take with you?

Who Will Be Better Because of You?

My 2011 Reading List for Starters

Regularly I am asked what I am reading. Here is a look at what is on the list for the start of 2011. The easiest way to get a chapter to download is to “google” the title.

Holy Bible – I carry the NIV (large Print) and have NKJV and NAS at my reading morning place. Also I rely on Logos significantly.

Devotional – Streams in the Desert by L. B. Cowman, edited by Jim Reimann. This is the same devotional I used last year and I enjoy using the same one for several years. Seem to get more out of it each year.

Books

Men of Honor Women of Virtue, Chuck Stecker, 2010, Seismic Publishing Group. I am re-reading what I wrote. It is not an ego trip but I did a lot of research for this book and I am refreshing to keep myself fresh – if that makes sense. Looking forward to developing a 5 hour seminar on The Power of Rites of Passage during the early part of 2011 and this book will be our source.
Follow me on Facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/ChuckStecker
Twitter @ http://twitter.com/#!/ChuckStecker

Generation iY, Tim Elmore, 2010, Poet Gardener Publishing – Tim Elmore has been part of a significant movement to reach the younger generation with more than loud music and parties. He has always been a man of substance and clarity. I am anxious to get to this one.
Follow Tim on Facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/tim.elmore
Twitter @ http://twitter.com/#!/TimElmore


Baby Boomers and Beyond, by Amy Hanson, 2010, Jossey-Bass, A Leadership Network Publication – Amy is a remarkable lady who I had the privilege of meeting at the CASA Network conference a few months ago in Atlanta. Her subtitle is “Tapping the Ministry Talents and Passions of Adults over 50.” If you go to Amy’s Website and look at the categories of her blog--one is “Intergenerational Ministry”
Follow Amy on http://amyhanson.org/

Generations, William Strauss & Neil Howe, 1991, Harper Perennial. This is a foundational book to the study of generations. I have perused this book in the past and gleaned key information. The subtitle is “The History of America’s Future, 1584 to 2069." It is filled with great research and is not a weekend read.

Generation Me, Jean M. Twenge, Ph.D., 2006, Free Press a Division of Simon & Shuster Inc. I know very little about this book or the author. It came on a search regarding generational study. The subtitle is “Why Today’s Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled-and More Miserable than Ever Before."

MOJO, Marshall Goldsmith, 2009, Hyperion Books. This book was given to me by Pastor David Wiggington when we were both speakers near Vienna, Austria last year. In a very short time I realized that David was a guy who I really liked being around and loved to hear him speak. Therefore if he thought enough of the book to give and recommend it, that was good enough for me.

Soulprint: Discovering Your Divine Destiny, Mark Batterson, 2011, Multnomah Books. I have read Primal and Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson. I have looked forward to this book and I am excited. It is scheduled for release on January 18, 2011.

Biography I also want to read at least two biographies and I am deciding which ones I will choose.

This is a start for 2011. There are so many good books and resources. Happy reading.

Vantage Point

One of my favorite movies to help us understand InterGenerational strategies is “Vantage Point.” Released in 2006 by Sony Pictures, the movie is based on an incident in Spain and is relived through the eyes of eight strangers who all had perfect views of the assassination.

In each of their views there was part of the truth that was only seen clearly when pieced together with the views of the other seven.

Isn’t that today’s church? We see everything in church from our own vantage point. What we see is often not the entire truth, but a part of the total truth. The actual truth cannot be determined until the view of each person is woven together with the others.

When it comes to the key issues of InterGenerational Ministry, they are often seen from the vantage point of the each person.

We often try to make things far more difficult than they need to be.

We are starting a new year. It is a great time for change and trying something new.

Let me ask you a simple question; where do you generally sit for the weekend worship service at your church? I mean actually sit! Most people go to the same service and sit in the same general area, if not the same exact seats. Seating in many churches is similar to season ticket holders for sports. They choose their seat and then everyone else, including the new folks you might be trying to reach, fills in around them.

One of the easiest things a church family can do to begin to grasp the idea of an InterGenerational church is to attend a different service--if you attend the same service, sit in a different seat. I am not saying one row over--I am saying the other side of the church. If you are a front sitter, move to the back on the other side.

In short, see things from a different vantage point and shake hands with different families.

Churches often plan a large program and invest significant resources to do something that can be as simple as some of us in our 60’s who are thought to be “unmovable” from our sacred seats moving and sitting next to a family in their 30’s. If you really want to be radical, try sitting with the teens or college age.

If you truly want to move towards an intergenerational community, try looking at things in your church from a different vantage point.

If you are willing to do this simple act, drop me a note next week and let me know what you saw from your new vantage point.

Another Change of Command

Having served nearly 23 years in the United States Army, I am somewhat familiar with “Change of Commands.” These ceremonies in the military are significant events. The Ceremonies are normally marked by the outgoing commander handing the unit flag or “guidon” to their senior commander who in turn hands it to the new commander.

In a similar way, there are changes in command in churches as well. The difficulty in churches is that rarely does the outgoing pastor hand the symbol of leadership to the incoming pastor. Churches normally go through a period where the board or an interim pastor has the leadership responsibility.

My home church, Grace Community Church (GCC) in Centennial, CO, is undergoing a change of command. For the past 7 years our Senior Pastor has been Jim Ladd. This is a difficult time because Jim has become more than my Senior Pastor. He is my friend, brother, fellow warrior in the battle and a trusted confidant.

As Jim and Sue head to their next assignment, I want to share some observations I have from Jim’s tenure as my commander.

1. Integrity: Unwavering integrity that never once was in question. His word was his word and it was based on HIS word.

2. Leadership Development: From the very beginning, Jim invested in men and women of all ages, sizes, colors and shapes. The leadership team at GCC is stronger that it has ever been and the list of leaders ready to go is continuing to grow.

3. Intergenerational Intentionality: All ages are important to Jim because I feel that Jim believes all ages are important to God. He has worked very hard to build up ministry to the entire church and not build a church on a single age group.

4. Tackled the Tough Issues: Jim was never afraid or reticent to take on the tough issues and take full responsibility for the decisions.

5. “The Counsel of Many”: This is the actual title of a book by another of my mentors and close friends, Dr Gary A. Sallquist. It applies to Jim in that he was never slow to seek solid counsel from his advisors. You never had the impression that Jim felt he had all the answers. You did know that he felt fully responsible for the answer and always sought counsel.

In the military, I said goodbye to many great commanders. While it was difficult to see them leave, it was always with great joy when they were being recognized and promoted or they were being sent to an assignment of greater responsibility.

That is the case for me now. I am pained by the loss of Jim and Sue from our Grace family. Yet I am overjoyed by seeing them make a move that has God’s fingerprints all over it.

Jim, you are leaving a church that is much stronger than the one of which you took command over seven years ago. We are all better prepared and positioned to serve the Lord and build His Kingdom because of you.

Thank you for being my pastor, friend and fellow warrior.