The Lost Boys

The article was neatly tucked away in the September 8, 2008 edition of Newsweek. One would hardly notice because this particular edition was devoted to the covering the Republican Convention. Yet there it was.

Titled Why I Am Leaving Guyland Peter Pans aren't as happy as they seem. by a Tony Dokoupil. http://www.newsweek.com/id/156372 Dokoupil, a 27 year old who was married the week his article was published in Newsweek, gives us a disturbing look at the twenty-something male and his attitudes.

It is hard to pick out one sentence that is the most significant or powerful. Start with this one......Today's guys are perhaps the first downwardly mobile—and endlessly adolescent—generation of men in U.S. history.

The author tells us of a generation of guys who are lost in world of drinking, sex and meaningless relationships.

Once the preserve of whacked-out teens and college slackers, this testosterone-filled landscape is the new normal for American males until what used to be considered creeping middle age, according to the
sociologist Michael Kimmel. In his new book, "Guyland," the State University of New York at Stony Brook professor notes that the traditional markers of manhood—leaving home, getting an education, finding a partner, starting work and becoming a father—have moved downfield as the passage from adolescence to adulthood has evolved from "a transitional moment to a whole new stage of life."

What is the real issue in all of this? First of all there is far more to this problem than can be answered in a simple "one-liner."

If you have spent any time around me, you know that one of my "things" is this issue of "adolescence." Here we see it again. It is as if the author along with the rest of us including the church and most ministries are saying that a little adolescence is normal but a little can go a long way and it does not take very long before a little becomes way too much.

We have accepted this ludicrous man-invented idea of adolescence as a normal part of our lives and we are destroying our young men in the process.

Secondly, where are the older men....you know old guys like me.... to invest in the lives of these young guys long before they see life as one party after another and still let mom do your laundry. We need older men to start investing in young guys much younger than we are thinking that mentoring should start.

Now for those who wonder why is it all about the guys??? It is not. But we need to wake up and realize that when we raise up weak guys who have not grown into men, we are also putting the same generation of young ladies at risk.

We must raise up strong men and women who know who and whose they are in Christ. One sex does not grow stronger at the expense of the other.

The last point that really grabbed me was the statement that for guys in their 20's this is "the new normal."

I wrote about this very same issue of accepting the abnormal as normal and the issue of adolescence in my book, Men of Honor Women of Virtue. http://www.achosengeneration.org/

Men, it is past time for us to invest in younger men. While the situation is critical, it is not hopeless.

Who are you investing your life in today???

Praying for a Generation

Today I met with Pastor Chase Hill, Student Ministries Pastor at Westside Baptist in Hutchinson, Kansas. First of all he is really a believer in the power of all generations and is looking at how to engage the other generations in the lives of his students.

As we talked he just casually mentioned that there was a team of prayer warriors....mostly seniors....who are praying during the entire time of the Rites of Passage. He told me that I would be able to "spot them." How I wondered??? Then he told me. He had this idea and with the help of one of the other pastors, he had distributed hospital wristbands with labels in them to remind the wearer to pray.

What a remarkable idea and clear reminder. he told me that they were the good ones and waterproof so they can be worn in showers or whatever. I was blown away. what a fabulous ideal to engage in a visible way a group to pray for the younger generation and specifically those participating in the Rites of Passage this weekend at Westside Baptist.

I am believing that this is going to be a fabulous weekend.

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The Intergenerational Church

I am a very blessed man. I know this and it is not a new revelation. Among the many blessings that God has poured out on me are my family, our ministry team, ACG Board and an incredible number of unbelievable friends that can be counted on regardless of the circumstances. The list is much longer than that but you get an idea of how blessed I am.

One of my great blessings is to have a church to call home and a Pastor who is one of my hero's. He is my Pastor.... but he is also my friend. He also shares my passion and the vision of A Chosen Generation to see the church as the Intergenerational family God intended for us to be.

Yesterday he wrote an article on his blog that we all need to read. It is titled....Helping our Youth Grow Strong. You can find it at: http://jimladd.blogspot.com/

Pastor Jim does not pretend to like all generations because he must as a Pastor... He has a heart and passion for ever generation.

In a few weeks, Grace Community Church will celebrate a new group of "young adults.' This is the fourth consecutive year for the Rites of Passage at Grace.

Pastor Jim does not support the Rites of Passage because he would hurt my feelings if he did not..... (You know how sensitive, fragile and easily hurt I am) ...... He does it because he is a true believer in the power of the Intergenerational Church.

There is such power in all generations working together as OneGeneration for the glory of God.


Jim, thanks for being my Pastor, friend and one of the guys I can count on in any battle.

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Welcome Back, Bill

From 1994 to 1997 I was on the staff of Promise Keepers. It was clearly an incredible experience. I often tell others that I received 10 years of ministry experience in 3 years. That is really not an exaggeration. During that time I had the privilege of meeting some amazing leaders and one of them was Coach Bill McCartney.

Granted, Bill and I did not see "eye to eye" on everything. After all he was the coach for the Colorado Buffalo's and I was, am and will always be a true football fan and cheer for our beloved Nebraska Cornhuskers.

The area that Bill and I did ...... and always will agree on is the need for men to be Godly men.

In the short time that I was on staff at PK, I got to know Bill as a ministry leader, man and friend. When I wrote the book, Men of Honor Women of Virtue, I included a story of Bill and our son Courtney. Here is an excerpt from the my book.......

"A Special Coach"
"In 1994 I joined the staff of Promise Keepers and had the privilege of meeting Bill McCartney, who was then still the head football coach at the University of Colorado. During my first few years on staff, Bill continued coaching and, as his schedule would permit, spoke at various PK events. I met him on several occasions, but it wasn’t until after he became the president of PK and worked from the national offices that I actually got to know him. On several occasions when I saw Bill, I had both my sons with me. And each time I gave them the opportunity to say hello to the man who had become my friend. What I didn’t realize was that, over time, they came to consider him their own friend. To this day, if they’re in the same location, they’ll seek him out and speak with him.
One Saturday morning in the spring of 1996 I took Chad and Courtney to the PK office with me. We were sitting in my office area when Bill walked by and said hello to all three of us. We talked for a few minutes, and then he continued on to his office. After a few minutes my younger son, Courtney, who was in sixth grade at the time, told me he was going to Coach’s office to talk to him about something. I was somewhat concerned because I knew Bill wasn’t coming to the office on a Saturday morning just to sit there and wait to see who stopped by to visit with him. Since I wanted to be respectful of his time, I cautioned Courtney not to stay too long. He looked back and gave me a smile, as if to say, “I’m going to see my friend—not yours.”
As time passed I became increasingly concerned, until Courtney finally came around the corner. He immediately asked me to stop by Bill’s office on Monday because Bill’s administrative assistant would have a package for him. Unaware of what had just transpired, I asked Courtney what I was going to be picking up for him. He looked at me and matter-of-factly said, “Coach is loaning me the jacket and hat he wore for the last college game he coached.”
I must have had a puzzled look on my face because Courtney (out of kindness) went on to explain that he was giving a book report at school on Coach’s autobiography, From Ashes to Glory. The teacher was requiring the students to dress the part of the person they had chosen as the subject of their book report. Bill McCartney was a major figure in Colorado at the time. He probably could have run for governor and been elected by a landslide. Imagine a sixth grader standing before his class and giving a report about the football coach who had led the Colorado Buffaloes to a national championship! Now imagine that sixth grader wearing the jacket and hat the coach had worn in his last game. I’m not sure Courtney even needed to give the book report! To say Bill McCartney was an encourager to my sons, and on this occasion specifically to my younger son, would be similar to announcing that the sun is hot."

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It was with great joy that I saw that Bill was returning to Promise Keepers as the CEO and Chairman of the Board. http://www.promisekeepers.org/

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Promise Keepers has been clearly used by God to touch men and change lives. I pray that God will continue to use PK to build Godly men..... Men who can be counted on and trusted by their families, communities and this nation.

Welcome back, Bill

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A Son Returns Home

On Thursday, we sat at one of our favorite restaurants and afterwards went to a Starbucks to just talk. In some ways it was as if he had not been gone since last Christmas, yet at the same time there was so much to catch up on.

He had not changed. I know that we often hear that being in the war, men come back changed. Yet, Courtney had not changed. Still the same guy .......but he was more mature as a result of what he saw. Don't get me wrong.....I think he was very mature before he left but clearly he had grown because of what he had seen and done.

He came back with a greater appreciation for other cultures. This is a guy born in Italy and has traveled. It is different living with other cultures and helping restore their dignity and freedom, than just visiting.

He came back with a renewed vision that each of us can make a difference.

From a dad, here is what I know....It is so great to have him home. I felt that God has blessed us with a pretty remarkable son. Billie and I prayed that God would protect him....but more than just protect..... we wanted God to use him mightily.

Here is what I also know....

1. There are some who are reading this who have lost a loved one. I cannot explain why some come home to us and others do not. But, my heart goes out to you and I pray that God will give you a peace that "passes all understanding."

2. There are some who have loved ones currently serving in dangerous places. I will continue to wear a yellow bracelet to remind me to pray for them.

3. The world is a dangerous place and if we have nothing deemed worth fighting and even dying for we probably have nothing worth living for.

Final thought: Billie and I are so very grateful for so many who prayed for Courtney and our family. Thank you.

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Speaking for Christians or as a Christian

It did not take the National Organization of Women (NOW) very long to issue a press release after Gov Sarah Palin was introduced as Sen John McCain's choice to be his VP running mate .

Before some of you start doing cartwheels and backflips that this is going to be a political statement, give it a rest and read on or go back to playing solitare on the computer.

Here is what caught me. According to NOW, "The fact that Palin is a mother of five who has a 4-month-old baby, a women who is juggling work and family responsibilities, will speak to many women. But will Palin speak FOR women? Based on her record and her stated postions, the answer is clearly No."

The press release went on to say....."Sen Joe Biden is the VP candidate who appeals to women,...."

So let me see if I have this right. Sarah Palin may speak AS A WOMAN BUT NOT FOR WOMEN. Joe Biden cannot SPEAK AS A WOMAN (I hope not but it has already been a pretty strange political year) BUT (according to NOW) HE DOES SPEAK FOR WOMEN.

Perhaps that is strange to some of us, but here is the real question.

WHO SPEAKS FOR CHRISTIANS?

Well, in case you are wondering, it is not me. Prior to writing this I checked my emails, phone messages and text messages; and there was not a single message from any major news organization asking me to speak for Christians.

So, since I am not the self-appointed or self-annointed spokesman for Christians, I am limited to SPEAKING AS A CHRISTIAN.

I really think that is what God has called every Christian to do including me--speak as a Christian-- but, not in the same manner some of us have thought we were called to speak.

I am thinking that the world needs to hear us speak with our hearts and actions.

It is going to be a pretty remarkable day when the news reports, "Well the Christians are certainly speaking with a very loud and clear voice." When asked what are they saying, the response comes back...."Saying? Are you kidding? Look at how these people live their lives."

I do not know who speaks for women in this campaign season.

For me, it is not important who speaks for Christians. Someone always seems to step up to the spotlight for that one.

The real question for me is not who is speaking for the Christians. My question is, "Do I speak, as a Christian in such a way that honors God?"


Final Thought: I really have a long way to go speaking as a Christian before I think anyone would trust me to speak for Christians.


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