For as long as I can remember this phrase has been shared by many to parents and church members. I have come to believe that although well intended, we are missing the point and failing miserably.
At conferences and seminars across the country, I have shared this illustration. Imagine if I would have taken my two sons to my closet when they were young men and ready to take on the world and with great pride presented to them my old wardrobe. There before them would be my clothes from the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s and also from 2000 on. But it gets better. Not onely do I show them this vast array of incredible clothing, I tell them that it is all for them now. Wear everything proudly.
There would be a moment of silence. They would look at each other as if to say, “You tell him.” Them one of the would begin by saying, “Dad, we love you.” They would get that out first. But then they would say, “Dad, these things don’t fit us. They are not our size or style. They are not comfortable and really, dad, we would never wear any of these things.” I think they would finish by saying, “Dad, we love you. Really your heart is right. Your head may be a little messed up but your heart is right.”
This story seems funny to most of us. We cannot imagine doing this to our kids or to ourselves. The only place this really happens is in our churches. We have this archaic notion that we must pass on our faith as if it is an old garment that they would love to have for their own.
We must change our mindset and our approach to faith with our children. Our responsibility is not to pass on our faith. Our responsibility is to create a safe place for our children to develop their own faith. Like wardrobes, faith may look different generation after generation. Yes, just as with clothing we must teach some basics. One of the things in life today that breaks my heart is Christian men who let their daughters dress like “hookers” and think it is cute or there is nothing they can do about the situation. That is a major problem and another story.
Our homes and churches must be safe places for our children and others to develop their own faith. One of the reasons that many young of our sons and daughters walk away from church when they are way from home is because they are never given the opportunity to grow their own faith. They operate on their parent’s faith and when they leave home they cast it aside with many other things.
Finally, the greatest problem with this idea of passing on my faith is that I do not have enough faith and I am not done with what faith I have. Not only do I need what I have, I need to grow it stronger.
If we want to help our children, new believers or anyone grow stronger, we must quit thinking that we have the best and only answer and naively believe that without our faith they cannot live.
Maybe the answer is not passing on our faith to them but helping them see Jesus for themselves. Maybe, just maybe we need to live a life that lets them see Jesus in us.
One of the greatest gift one generation can give another is to create a safe place for each generation to know Christ personally grow their own faith that fits them where they live, work and play.
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