When was the last time you thought about the age range of your relationships? I am not referring to people who you see or come into contact with during your activities such as church or at your kid’s school.
Think about who you intentionally schedule on your calendar. Do not consider your children or co-workers you see only at work.
Think about the people you pursue and the ones who pursue you to have coffee or lunch.
Pictured with me is Brandon Chrisp. We met over three years ago when he was a student at Denver Seminary. We began in a structured mentoring program. Now I guess you could say, we meet because we are just really good friends.
Several years ago, I listened to Dr Gordon McDonald at Denver Seminary. At one point he was asked a very pointed question. The questioning individual asked Dr McDonald about the biggest difference in his life now compared to when he was much younger. Without hesitation, Dr McDonald responded that it was the men in his life.
The answer to the follow-up question was very significant. He was asked, “How did you find those men?” He responded, “Just like I got my wife, Gail. I dated them.”
Dr. McDonald went on to explain that when he realized the void in his life, he first decided what type of men he needed. Then he made a list of guys he already knew. Then he began to ask them to meet for coffee. No agenda except to see if they wanted to meet again.
Dr. Mc Donald was clear. Some guys were good men but they did not make “the cut.” Others he continued to meet with and in time he found that he had an amazing group of men surrounding him.
Frankly, if you do not have others in your life, you are most likely not putting forth the effort. If you do not have younger and older people in your life, you are most likely not putting forth the effort.
If you do not have true friends and relationships beyond your age group, you should ask yourself:
1. Am I actually available to others?
2. Do I intentionally pursue others?
3. Am I willing to invest in someone else?
We must make a decision to be intentional about the relationships in our lives. We are intentional about things that we value. If we truly value and desire relationships that go beyond our own age-range, we must be available and intentional.
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8 comments:
This is very good. I remember you talking about this before. You are right about taking effort. Many of us just want to be left alone and kind of just float along, but is that healthy? It is complacent, but not neccesarily healthy. It is too easy to get caught up in a social depression. This era is full of it. Being alone is okay for a period and we all need to get alone at times, but even male animals come out of seculusion once a year to be social, and not just to mate, but to socialize and build self worth. Part of something...
GREAT! We all need to be a Paul and a Timothy at the same time. It is easy to go it alone, but it is not healthy. In this era, depression is on the rise. To just float along and not be part of anyone's life is complacency. We are not called to be there! Even male animals come out of seclusion once a year. It is not just to mate, but to get self worth, to test themselves, and to learn from other males. We laways are being watched, why not make an effort to place those who have our best interest at heart around us and try and pass that on to others instead of the critical ones only being heard...
Excellent message. It hits me where it counts. I have done this to some degree. Your message reminds me & motivates me to be more intentional about it. Chuck, you're right on target once again.
-Dean
Tom and Dean
Thank you for your comments. You both have been doing this for quite awhile. Blessings!!
In Christ
chuck
Chuck, Excellent thoughts, agree 100%. I have been developing mentors since I anchored myself in Tucson 5 years ago and can count about 10 solid relationships. They each are a different type of arrangement, but each is unique and has made a huge difference in my life. I only wish that my number one relationship did not live in your house. Would love to have coffee with you much more!!
David
Spot on, Chuck. We need to be direct and focused when it comes to mentoring and doing meaningful "iron sharpens iron" time with each other. Many thanks for the solid blog my brother.
Kip
Very good blog Chuck! "The young and the old shall dance in the dance together". It definitely is like a dance and not all dance partners have the right chemistry as Dr.McDonald discovered.
Chuck,
I hear you, but ... I spend 13 hours a day at work (including the commute), I have four children (the oldest is six years old), and I teach Sunday School on Sunday mornings. I often have no time to eat lunch, and I feel like setting aside time to pay bills is a luxury! I am thankful that I can make time for Bible Study and a prayer partner as part of my work routine, but, right now, I just do not have time for friends; I do well to have time each evening to talk with my wife. I need friends, but there is not enough time.
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