InterGenerational Takes Effort And Intentionality

Dr Chuck Stecker

When was the last time you thought about the age range of your relationships? I am not referring to people who you see or come into contact with during your activities such as church or at your kid’s school.

Think about who you intentionally schedule on your calendar. Do not consider your children or co-workers you see only at work.

Think about the people you pursue and the ones who pursue you to have coffee or lunch.

Several years ago, I listened to Dr Gordon McDonald at Denver Seminary. At one point he was asked a very pointed question. The questioning individual asked Dr McDonald about the biggest difference in his life now compared to when he was much younger. Without hesitation, Dr McDonald responded that it was the men in his life.

The answer to the follow-up question was very significant. He was asked, “How did you find those men?” He responded, “Just like I got my wife, Gail. I dated them.”

Dr.  McDonald went on to explain that when he realized the void in his life, he first decided what type of men he needed. Then he made a list of guys he already knew. Then he began to ask them to meet for coffee. No agenda except to see if they wanted to meet again.

Dr. Mc Donald was clear. Some guys were good men but they did not make “the cut.” Others he continued to meet with and in time he found that he had an amazing group of men surrounding him.

Frankly, if you do not have others in your life, you are most likely not putting forth the effort. If you do not have younger and older people in your life, you are most likely not putting forth the effort.

 

If you do not have true friends and relationships beyond your age group, you should ask yourself:

1. Am I actually available to others?
2. Do I intentionally pursue others?
3. Am I willing to invest in someone else?

We must make a decision to be intentional about the relationships in our lives. We are intentional about things that we value. If we truly value and desire relationships that go beyond our own age-range, we must be available and intentional.

 

©Charles W. Stecker, Jr, 2012

Dad has Already Taught Us Everything He knows

Dad has Already Taught Us Everything He knows

Dr Chuck Stecker

             It was Spring in 1994 when I heard those words. Our family was preparing for a new season in our lives. Our years serving our nation in the US Army were coming to a close and we were preparing to move back to the United States from our last assignment in Rome, Italy.

            I had been involved in coaching our sons in soccer and other sports for most of their lives. Our sons were 12 and 10 years old.

            As we rode and talked about our new beginning, our oldest son, Chad, asked, "Dad, when we get back to the United States, will you still be our soccer coach?"

            Before I could respond, our youngest son, Courtney spoke for me; "No Chad, Dad has already taught us everything he knows."

            That was certainly a sobering moment!

             There was truth in Courtney's words. Our sons had come to a point in soccer where my knowledge and skills were not enough to continue to take them to the next level. They needed more from a coach than I could offer.

            However,  my role as their mentor was just beginning.

             Dr Edwin Louis Cole was one of the most remarkable men I have known and had the privilege of hearing. At this point Dr. Cole is celebrating in heaven. One of my favorite "Coleisms" was a statement I heard him make on more than one occasion:

"Often a man's gifts will take him to a level that his character can't support."

            At the moment of truth so kindly blurted out by our youngest son, I came to realize that my biggest role was to become our son's mentor. My primary responsibility was to focus on the character to support the gifts and find others to continue to develop the gifts.

            Both our sons have gone on to play soccer at levels my coaching could never have taken them. My responsibility to continue to shape the character to support the gifts is more important now than it has even been.

            As dads and men, we must recognize the moments when our children need more from coaching than we can offer in an area and accept a greater role as the primary mentor in that area of their life.

             This is also very true in relationships I have with other men. I have needed to recognize the moments when my greatest gift to a friend is to introduce them to a person who has the skill set to coach them beyond any level I could take them and realize that my role as a mentor is even more important and their skills are honed.  

              



As I continue to tell my own kids and friends, my primary responsibility is to help them to have the character to support their gifts so they do not arrive at a point in life where their gifts have taken them to a place their character cannot support.

© Charles W. Stecker, Jr. 2012

Leaders Attract Leaders

Leaders Attract Leaders

By: Dr Chuck Stecker

 In the past few years several pastors who are great friends of mine and are men I regard as exceptional developers of leaders have all shared a common thread regarding leadership development.

  

“Real leaders not only attract followers, but attract other leaders.”

            Far too many men try to tell others they are leaders and want to be given leadership positions and opportunities. One pastor shared that when a person tells him he is a leader and should be given leadership, the pastor smiles and asks him who he is leading now. Another pastor told me that he does not look for leaders as much as he looks for groups to see who they are following.

            Additionally, when I regard someone as a leader, I look at the other leaders who are attracted to that person. It is not complicated. Leaders attract leaders.

            Characteristics of a leader:

1.      Leaders look to other leaders as examples. This is not confined to personal relationships but also by following what is written about them as well as what is written by them. Several men, who I have never met, have mentored me and will continue to do so.

2.      Real leaders intentionally spend time with emerging leaders because we learn from them in the process. InterGenerational relationships are critical to all leaders.

3.      Listening is a learned skill for great leaders. Listening is harder as you move up the leadership ladder because everyone is expecting you to have great input to every situation.

4.      Leadership begins by following a leader and looking for opportunities to serve. When you serve a leader with integrity, others want to follow you.

            Finally, it is not necessary to tell anyone you are a leader. It will always be far more obvious than you imagine. If you are a leader, you will be around other leaders and you will be leading others - even if it is taking out the trash or lending a hand by opening a door or volunteering to do the most seemingly menial task.

Serve your way to leadership, others will follow, and you will attract other leaders.

A Thanks to the many pastors who are leading leaders; Gary, Jim, Terry, Andy, Chris, Joseph, Dyran, John, Craig, Joel, Tim, Phil, Toby, Ross, David & Dave, Mark, Kurt, Eric, Jerrel, Ken and many others.

Who Will Be Better Because of You?

The first of a New Year is always a time for resolutions. Everyone makes them because we feel that a New Year is a great time to make needed changes. It is a natural starting point. Who feels the magic in launching life change on September 23rd or February 17th for example? There is just something about January 1 of any year that has a special feeling.

In the many years I have talked with men and women about their resolutions, I have noticed a pattern. Most of us make resolutions or set goals based on where we feel the need to improve, personally.

Leaders—I mean real leaders have a tendency to set goals based on where they want to help others grow.

Here is a method to evaluate your goals from a leadership perspective. Look at each one of your resolutions or goals and imagine them achieved. Now ask the question, “Who is going to be better because of you achieving your goals?”

I do not mean better as in having more things. Who is going to be closer to their personal goals? For clarity, I do not mean that if dads make more money, their kids can have more toys and their wife can get her hair done more often.

How do your goals help another person become a better person?

Take another look at your resolutions.

Who do you intend to take with you?

Who Will Be Better Because of You?

InterGenerational Takes Effort And Intentionality

When was the last time you thought about the age range of your relationships? I am not referring to people who you see or come into contact with during your activities such as church or at your kid’s school.

Think about who you intentionally schedule on your calendar. Do not consider your children or co-workers you see only at work.

Think about the people you pursue and the ones who pursue you to have coffee or lunch.

Pictured with me is Brandon Chrisp. We met over three years ago when he was a student at Denver Seminary. We began in a structured mentoring program. Now I guess you could say, we meet because we are just really good friends.

Several years ago, I listened to Dr Gordon McDonald at Denver Seminary. At one point he was asked a very pointed question. The questioning individual asked Dr McDonald about the biggest difference in his life now compared to when he was much younger. Without hesitation, Dr McDonald responded that it was the men in his life.

The answer to the follow-up question was very significant. He was asked, “How did you find those men?” He responded, “Just like I got my wife, Gail. I dated them.”

Dr. McDonald went on to explain that when he realized the void in his life, he first decided what type of men he needed. Then he made a list of guys he already knew. Then he began to ask them to meet for coffee. No agenda except to see if they wanted to meet again.

Dr. Mc Donald was clear. Some guys were good men but they did not make “the cut.” Others he continued to meet with and in time he found that he had an amazing group of men surrounding him.

Frankly, if you do not have others in your life, you are most likely not putting forth the effort. If you do not have younger and older people in your life, you are most likely not putting forth the effort.


If you do not have true friends and relationships beyond your age group, you should ask yourself:

1. Am I actually available to others?
2. Do I intentionally pursue others?
3. Am I willing to invest in someone else?

We must make a decision to be intentional about the relationships in our lives. We are intentional about things that we value. If we truly value and desire relationships that go beyond our own age-range, we must be available and intentional.

Coaching Executives

Bill Coibion is a terrific friend in Roseville CA. A few years ago he was on staff at a very large church as their Men's Pastor. On one of my visits we began discussing where he felt God was leading him. He thought for a while and said that he had been considering launching a ministry to "Executives."

Bill had been a very successful businessman and thought that was a natural step for him and he had in fact done quite a bit of coaching with men and executives.

Bill and I both found ourselves in Colorado Springs together about 10 days ago and had coffee together. Fabulous catching up with a friend and to hear what God is doing in our lives.

I had been following Bill in his transition to coaching Executives and it was an incredible journey.

Pictured above is the group of executives Bill is coaching and finding mentors. They are 12 and 13 years old. They live in one of the poorest areas of Sacramento. Most come from homes where English is a second language and there is no father on the scene.

You want an fantastic story of OneGeneration at work....... the public school has given him a classroom as his office. He is recruiting men to be mentors or I would say...."Spiritual Fathers."

The overall grades of his group of executives is climbing daily whereas the rest of the student's GPA is declining. Students have to volunteer for the program and abide by the rules. Parents have to commit as well.

The GPA is really a result of many other changes in these young men's lives. They are growing as men because they are around men .... men who are investing in them and believe in them.

Bill and his team in Shoulder to Shoulder have committed to stay with their guys through High School.

Do you think God has a sense of humor..... I love it.

Bill you keep making your plans to coach executives and God will continue to send you all you can handle. Bill's executives may not be running companies today....but they may tomorrow. Now that is an executive training program.

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